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How to effectively make a cyclist soil his shorts

1. Firstly, park your car in the right lane on Queen Street West
2. Peer through the driver’s side mirror
3. Wait until subject is within 10 meters of the automobile
4. Take your left hand and begin pulling the door handle to open your door
5. Take your right hand and secure a firm grip on the door
6. With one swift motion, push the door open 5 inches, and then stop the motion thus making the appearance of a door fully opening.
7. Don’t waste another second, make sure to look through your window at the subject’s ghastly face
8. Sometimes the subject will swerve out of control and crash anyway
9. Other times, the subject may make a fist and wave it at you as he continues to ride
10. If the subject places his hand near his rear, the soiling was successful.
11. If not successul, close door, and wait for subject #2