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Anyone have a gas mask?

I woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise. Shortly after my alarm went off, still half asleep, I opened my bedroom door and I felt like I walked into a brick wall. My roommate’s bedroom is across the hall from mine, his door was wide open, and the entire hallway, stairway, and bathroom smelled worse than a dead animal in my house. If you know my roommate Ned, you would know that he is capable of clearing out an entire gymnasium with his gas. I’ve been told that he can clear a room faster than a fire alarm. This has yet to be proven, but I believe it.

Most people will keep the smell contained within the confines of their bed sheets, but this one seemed to sneak out of his bed sheets and wreaked a massive dispersion of disgusting toxic chemicals into the air.

I attempted to go back into my room and close my door to keep the foul air out, but it was too late. My room was now plagued with this deadly air. My dog was no longer thinking about going outside to go pee; she was on the ground suffocating from the foul smell. I seriously considered throwing a chair through my window and jumping 2 stories into my back yard.

After about 30 minutes, the smell subsided, but not without permanent damage to my brain, my dignity, and my soul. Ned apologized for the incident, told me he had all you can eat shrimp the night before, and that was the end of it.