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Classic out of office auto-replies 6

Here are some classic out of the office auto reply messages sent by Claudia. 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If ...

Tom in 30 years 4

I ran a computer program with my brother Tom’s face to see what he’s going to look like in 30 years. Scroll down for the result. By the way eligible ladies, Tom’s email address is: tom_schwartz@hotmail.com. He is VERY single and VERY well hung Tom, I’ll take cash for the plug.

Talking on cell phones while driving 1

In response to my buddy iBrett‘s posting on talking on cell phones while driving, I have put together a list of reasons why I think that talking on cell phones while driving is dangerous and should be avoided. I’ve seen the outcome of people talking on their cell phones first-hand, and I’m also guilty of ...

Should have been a stuntman? 1

I had an anonymous friend who was in town at the beer festival with his friends on Saturday. After he was done at the beer festival he had too much to drink to drive his car, so I met up with him and drove it for him. As I was buckling up my seatbelt, he ...

Crazy naked

I was sitting on my computer about 5 minutes ago and just outside my window was my next door neighbour standing there smoking a cigarette. I noticed that her back looked pretty bare and I was pretty sure she wasn’t wearing a beige shirt. This observation sparked my curiousity, so I walked to my brother ...

The good ol’ farmer’s blow 1

After lunch today I was walking back to work with some friends along the sidewalk and I sneezed a huge sneeze. There was a large volume of gooey green snot hanging about 7 inches down from my nose. I had to think and act quickly because it wasn’t going to release from my nose easily, ...

Today’s lame news 2

I decided to talk about the news today, and how boring it happens to be on this twenty-fifth day of July, two thousand and five. The top story on CNN today is entitled “Union split over future direction“. I’ve never been a strong believer in unions, so this one pretty much bores the hell out ...

Team America quotes 7

Here are some memorable Team America quotes. Mom, please don’t read the third one. Thanks Kim Jong Il: I’m so Ronery / So ronery / So ronery and sadry arone / There’s no one / Just me onry / Sitting on my rittle throne / I work very hard to be number one guy / ...

Environment-friendly apartment 2

When I was showering this morning and no warm water was coming out of the tap, at first I couldn’t help but have feelings of rage towards my apartment building. The water was so extremely cold that I couldn’t even get in the shower. Even placing my foot under the water felt as cold as ...

Toilet memo 1

I’ve had memos placed on my desk; I’ve had memos sent in the mail. I’ve even seen a local pizza parlour called “Pizza Memo”. But today was the first time I’ve ever seen a toilet memo at work. I’m not talking about those advertising posters they place above the urinals to keep us entertained while ...