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It smells like something died in here 1

Last night I did something for the first time. I’ve always wanted to do it, but I didn’t want to be “that guy”. I was in a club last night and I had a ten-minute argument with my bowels. Let’s just say that my bowels won and I took care of business inside the cozy ...

Craving Sex

Don’t get too caught up in this title; this entry is not about me thank you very much. I was having a chat on MSN with my buddy’s girlfriend. He has been backpacking Asia for the last 10 weeks, so she’s obviously dying to see him. So when he signed on and started talking to ...

Survival Guide for taking a dump at work 2

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. (Thanks to Frieda for sending this one) ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash ...

Dogs sense sarcasm 1

My dog Mojo took a huge spill tonight. I called her to come to me and she ran full speed ahead toward me on the pavement. Her paw got caught in a sewer drainage and she flipped in the air, landed on her side, and rolled into the curb on the driveway. She got up ...

One in a million 1

Last night we saw Panic and the Rebel Emergency open for 54-40 at Lee’s Palace. When cousin Tony (He’s not really my cousin, we just call him that) was getting dressed to go out last night, I doubt he had any idea that somebody else at the club would be wearing the exact same shirt ...

Peeing on ice cubes 3

Sometimes when bars need to dispose of ice cubes, they dump them in the urinals. Nothing is more satisfying than going to a urinal and peeing on a pile of ice cubes. The ice cubes melt really fast, and it’s a good challenge to see how many cubes you can melt in one session.

Classic out of office auto-replies 6

Here are some classic out of the office auto reply messages sent by Claudia. 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If ...

Tom in 30 years 4

I ran a computer program with my brother Tom’s face to see what he’s going to look like in 30 years. Scroll down for the result. By the way eligible ladies, Tom’s email address is: tom_schwartz@hotmail.com. He is VERY single and VERY well hung Tom, I’ll take cash for the plug.

‘That’ Person 3

This one is for the boys. I’m not sure if other people can relate to this or not but I always have a person in the back of my mind who in spirit helps me get through certain difficult situations. I’ll be sitting down somewhere; possibly on the Subway or in a restaurant, and I’ll ...

Golf carts and speeding ticket 2

Golfing yesterday was a lot of fun. Driving golf carts while drinking is one of the only places where drinking and driving is legal in Canada. We were golfing on a really nice course and my golf cart seemed to go twice as fast as everyone elses, so I would drive down a hill extremely ...