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Hockey Locker Talk 3

The conversations that take place in the hockey locker room are typically inappropriate in our normal civilized society. But these same conversations are key to fostering a bond between grown men that fills a need not provided by marriage or relationships.

That is why men need that time away from the wife or the girlfriend to satisfy this personal need. Women also have a need that can only be met by hanging out with “the girls” as well, though I’m sure the conversations women have are of a much different nature than the hockey conversations.

Since I have yet to write about the hockey locker talks in The Urban Country’s almost 5 year history, I figured I’d share some amusing stories told by a fellow teammate last Friday:

This teammate has a retired neighbour who owns a snow blower. After every big snowfall, my teammate goes outside to shovel his driveway. After a few minutes, my teammate acts as though his back is sore and pretends he’s in a lot of pain. The nice old man with the snow blower always offers to clear my teammate’s driveway.

He’s now at the point where he has to keep his garage door closed when loading his hockey equipment into his car so that his neighbour won’t see him leaving for hockey in order to maintain the illusion that he has a bad back.

Not long after I told my teammate he’s going to end up in hell, he told me another story about this same neighbour. On the same street, they have neighbours who are of Middle Eastern descent. My teammate tells the old man with the snow blower that those neighbours are members of Al Qaida.

The Middle Eastern neighbours have a satellite dish on their roof. My teammate tells the old man that the satellite dish is used to communicate with Al Qaida. The satellite dish has a clearly written “Bell XpressVu” sticker on it, but the poor old man is naive enough to believe my teammate.

To top it all off, the old man tells my teammate’s father that his son said the neighbours are Al Qaida, and his father goes along with the prank and tells the old man they are indeed members of Al Qaida. (It’s quite obvious where my teammate inherited his prankster ways)

In a related story, my teammate told us how he has some Muslim co-workers at work. During Ramadan, (when Muslims can only eat and drink after dark) my teammate waits until his co-worker leaves his desk and he puts food items on his desk as a prank. When questioned on the insensitivity of his prank, he replies “Not my Religion”. 

His pranks are insensitive, outrageous and hilarious all at the same time. They are almost unheard of in an Urban society/professional environment. It reminds me of my youth, growing up in a small town.

In a final “hockey locker talk” story, this same teammate told us how his friend sifts through bank receipts when he withdrawals money from a bank machine to search for the highest balance. He then takes bank receipts with balances of $10,000 or $20,000 or more and goes into a strip club and writes his name and phone number on the bank receipts for strippers. Apparently this is his tactic to get strippers interested in him.

They say what happens in the hockey locker room stays in the hockey locker room. Perhaps I should take this advice, and leave the hockey talk where it belongs… at the rink.

3 thoughts on “Hockey Locker Talk

  1. Crankyputz Feb 5,2009 9:33 pm

    Lord….the last one was funny…i wonder what his success rate is?

  2. James D. Schwartz Feb 6,2009 2:15 am

    I’d be curious to know as well Cranky.. I guess it would partially depend on his looks and I assume he couldn’t keep going back to the same club either 😉

  3. Anonymous Feb 6,2009 4:08 am

    Love the story. Very much, I’m sure, like the ones you’d hear ice Male bonding at its best.

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