Follow @theurbancountry on Twitter Find us on Facebook Subscribe to theurbancountry.com via e-mail Subscribe to theurbancountry.com via RSS
Follow @theurbancountry on Twitter Find us on Facebook Subscribe to theurbancountry.com via e-mail Subscribe to theurbancountry.com via RSS

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy

These are classics. I picked my favourite 11.

1. To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

2. Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

3. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let go, because, they’re gone, man. They’re gone.

4. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

5. If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.

6. Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me? Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.

7. I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don’t just go by size because I bet there are some chihuahuas with some good ideas.

8. Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and so is mankind.

9. It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

10. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they’d never expect it.

11. Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.